To Spin or Not to Spin?

I am so so so tired.  In approximately fifteen minutes people are going to be looking for me to go to spin at lunch.  I know I should.  It will be the teensiest bit easier today.  Maybe.  Or maybe it won't be and after I'm done I'll die and be unable to carry out my tasks this afternoon for work.  I will most definitely be beet red and sweaty and no longer wearing make-up.  This might prove effective when considering some of the tasks at hand this afternoon.  Or it might mean by 5 p.m. I will barely be able to drive home and will fall asleep at the wheel potentially injuring countless seniors on my commute.

On the other hand, if I don't go I'll feel guilty and weak-minded.  That being said I will not be sweaty.  Fresh complexion, make-up still in tact...it's a hard question.

Why am I so tired?  Maybe because at roughly 12:30 a.m. I wandered down to the couch.  My husband followed and asked me what I was doing to which I apparently replied: "I have a stomach ache". I have no recollection of this.  I do recall waking up and wondering what I was doing and being cold so getting up and going back to bed, but not without first picking up the remote to turn off the TV.  The TV wasn't on.  So when I was nearly across the living room the TV did actually turn on as I had pressed the power button.  For a moment I panicked and was a little scared that the TV turned on by itself.  Yep.  Then I realized I turned it on.

No I did not drop acid before bed last night.  I ate a chocolate bar, had a glass of milk, and watched some American Idol. Which for the record, I'm over Michael.  Too much drama.  I'm also over Casey's hair.  I mean I like it but they really need to stop coiffing it to that extent. What happened to the ponytail? And what the hell was Cara wearing around her neck?  Thank God for mute and fast forward because I was able to muse about what exactly that was in peace and quiet rather than listening to her judge (whine).

Eight minutes...should I or shouldn't I?  Stay tuned after lunch...either I'll be guilty and fresh or sweaty and further disenchanted with physical fitness.

p.s. I do shower afterwards but it's almost a futile effort.

#$^@*&!!!

The title most accurately reflects my mood at present.  Remember all that bullshit about trying to be less angry? BULLSHIT.  That's right. I said it.  Complete fucking bullshit.  Now some of you are asking, why Angela, why?  It was so nice to hear you sounding upbeat and positive and all turning over a new leaf-y.  Yeah, that was nice, wasn't it?  It's over.  What happened? I'll tell you what happened.  I returned to spin today.

After a six week hiatus bred of work engagements, lunch engagements and sheer laziness I decided I'd better get back to the gym and more importantly, back to spin.  Now if you follow along you know I've been to spin before and never have I really been a fan.  That being said, I had gotten to a point, roughly six weeks ago, where although it was still hard, I didn't hate it.  Today, I HATED it.

About five minutes in my legs were burning and my heart was asking me why.  All I could think about was why was I intentionally causing pain to myself? And who the fuck is the new chatty guy in the corner?  Hey, guy, shut up.  I don't care if you drank a lot of beer or if you crave hamburgers every day. The bigger question is: have you ever been on a date? Didn't think so.

Okay, maybe that's harsh.  Maybe he's a super nice positive guy.  Maybe he loves fitness and was feeling all good and energized by the exercise.  Maybe he should just shut the fuck up.

Now the regulars, most of whom are friends of mine, know my rule about talking during spin.  When I first started I could sometimes take my mind off the burning and lack of oxygen by focusing sheer rage at the people chit chattin' it up about the weekend while I hung on to my bike for dear life and scoped the room for a trash can to vomit in.  Unless you are swearing, I don't want to hear you talking. Then again, about six weeks to two months ago I was conditioned enough I would partake of some of the small talk and not feel so angry about it.  Today it made me angry.

Today I was angry about everything and everyone.  And after the class, when one usually feels a real sense of accomplishment, I felt like I didn't like my friends anymore.  I felt like being by myself and laying on a cold floor with a roll of refrigerated cookie dough.  Just lying there, sweating, cooling off and eating cold dough.  And maybe crying a little.  Instead it was back to work.  I'll admit, I had difficulty speaking to my friends after class. They understood.  They are good friends in that respect.  Well, except for one in particular who actually teaches the class.  I'm not sure what her deal is but if she ever ever eats something she thought she shouldn't have prior to teaching spin again, I will flatten her tires and key her car.  (I'm talking to you Kar Kar).

Logic, where have you gone?

So I'd like to talk to you all about Wednesday. Guess what I did that day? I went to spin for the second time this week. Guess what I did after that? Went to 7-11 and purchased a two pack of Hostess cupcakes, 75 cents worth of gummy candies and an English Toffee Cappucino. I'm not sure I even tasted the cupcakes being that I inhaled them. At any rate, I finished this explosion of sugar and preservatives in less than 45 minutes. To be honest, the 'food' was gone within about 15...it was the coffee that took a while to drink. Once at home that night I had a few Hershey kisses, some chips and then right before bed, just one more cupcake (homemade this time) and a big glass of milk.

*Note: there is no mention of supper in here. Because I didn't have any. My perfect world would consist of eating a diet like Will Ferrell's in 'Elf'.


Now there are some who will say the reason I go to spin or to the gym at all is so I can eat like that. I argue that if I did not eat like this but continued to go the gym I could throw away my elastic waisted dress pants. Sigh. Although I do have to say it was a magical day when I found those pants at Reitman's. I felt like Forrest Gump when he sees Lt. Dan and comments on his "magic legs". I had found "magic pants".

I am a fan of the show Intervention and on days like Wednesday (or Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, ...you get the idea) I feel I could qualify for a food addiction intervention. Or at the very least a sugar addiction. Wednesday I ate a banana and today I ate some mixed veggies at supper. That'll likely be the extent of my fruit and vegetable intake for the week. I've tossed around the idea of quitting sugar. Then I laugh and eat a King Size Twix (Kit Kat, Aero, Snickers, Mars,...again, you get the idea).

Will I go back to spin? Yes. My friends make me. Will I continue to go on rampant binges involving cupcakes and high fructose corn syrup? Yes. My life makes me.

For the record and back in relation to Fargs' untimely demise, I used to binge drink. Sadly now I'm left to Peanut M&Ms and baked goods...