Sunday, December 13, 2009

'Twas 12 Days Before Christmas

People suck. Yeah, yeah I know, that's harsh and cynical and pessimistic, but guess what fuckers, they do. Not all of you. Certainly not those of you who read and enjoy this blog but, some people really suck hard and in so many different ways. I don't even know where to begin, but I'll try...

1. I know it's been said before, but it's true, people should have to get a license to reproduce. Easier said then done, but there are so many people who shouldn't be allowed to care for goldfish, nevermind a child, that it's ridiculous. That being said I wish PETA would fuck off already. Where's the big activist group for children's rights? Is there one? I don't even know which tells me if there is one, they suck too and/or aren't getting any publicity because it's so much more media friendly to talk about puppy mills and dead cats found in homes on 'Hoarders' than it is to talk about physical and sexual abuse and neglect. That's just a stab in the dark.

2. Bullshit is rampant in our society. Everyone's so concerned about what other people think of them that it's nicey-nice all the time and saving face and kissing ass. End it people. Maybe, if just once in awhile, we were all straight with each other, people wouldn't suck so much. Of course, I tend, apparently, to share my thoughts too often and people think I'm mean. My favourite was when a 35+ year old man recently shared his thoughts on the horrors of bi-racial marriages. Seriously?! It's 2009. The scarier thing is, this fucknut has children and is likely sharing those views and opinions with them. Or maybe the scariest thing is he thought it was okay to say this out loud. I really don't know. My husband, however, placed himself between me and this man, because not being a fan of bullshit or pretending to like someone I don't, I was sharing some strong feelings and opinions in response to his ridiculously ignorant remark.

3. Christmas is 12 days away. Not even close to being done shopping. Number of barriers in the way including the flu that attacked us this weekend, but really that wasn't the biggest obstacle. At present I'm not prepared to get into what the biggest obstacle is; my point is, I used to LOVE Christmas. Now I'm more like those other a-holes who whine and gripe about it all December long. And I hate that. People are messing with my Christmas spirit. I've decorated, listened to Christmas music ad nauseum all in the name of trying to get into the spirit and for the most part it just ain't happening.

This is depressing and so is this blog. However, I needed to vent. It was either that or go off on people who don't deserve it and/or resort to underhanded manipulative shit I try to stay away from.

Merry Christmas...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The PMS Chronicles

Hello. I do realize I've covered this topic before, but I think it bears mentioning again...

So here we are, another month, another uncontrollable surge of hormones. The emotional roller coaster I've been on this week has taken me everywhere from fighting off tears whilst singing along to Amy Grant's "Tennesee Christmas" (not sure what this was about. The farthest south I've ever been in my life is Minot, North Dakota) to having chest pains earlier today from sheer rage at the car dealership. Oh and there was a brief stop in Gull Lake, Saskatchewan where I came very close to committing manslaughter. Maybe that's where I'll start:

Monday I drove 697 kms. In one day. On my way home, I needed to stop for gas and food. I was hungry enough at this point that I was considering eating my lip balm but settled for a disgusting gas station sub instead. I was very tired and when I got to the gas station, which was full serve, I was more than ready and willing to let them pump my gas for me. So I waited a bit and when no one came out, decided, I am not above pumping my own gas and really I just need to get back on the road, so what the hell? Just as I had finished filling my tank, the stunned Oompa-Loompa (for the record she is not actually a "little person", just short ) who works there came out and cheerfully said,"Fill it with regular ma'am?" Um, nope, all done here. Thanks though. So as I may have been quite abrupt with this little ray of retarded sunshine, she looked confused and tried a different approach; "I love your purse!". I did not reply. It was really just for the best. So after trying to find something halfway suitable to eat I made my way to the till. By this time Farmer Ted had come in to get some gas as well and instructed Pollyanna the Wonder Tool to go fill his truck with gas. So, after awhile, Farmer Ted, who I assume was not PMSing began to do that exaggerated sigh thing a person does when they are becoming annoyed and tired of waiting. He did this again and looked at me. At this point I muttered "Good Lord" and looked outside to see where she was. She was, in fact, making her leisurely way back inside. No hurry. I like bunnies. (I'm assuming these were some of her thoughts).

Another woman then came to the front and helped my farmer friend with his purchase. Which left me with fuckface. So she apologizes for the wait, and again, I did not reply. How rude! Really, considering what I wanted to say, it really really was the best option. After a short time she became distracted by her belly button or maybe it was just a shiny object, I'm not sure, but I could take it no longer and reached across the counter and ripped my own receipt off the debit machine and signed it. She did not quite know how to react. This is one of those times where after I realize my reaction may have been slightly extreme. However, patience is not my virtue. Any I do have I use up every single day at work and there is none left for the rest of the idiots I encounter. And really, I don't think it phased her. She looked a little startled but then probably remembered that Skittles also come in tropical flavours and all was well with the world.

As for me, I have chosen to not partake in anymore of Amy Grant's Christmas carols this week. In between bouts of rage I continue to have overwhelming feelings of love for my husband and children and stop myself from sending them a group text stating so...really that would frighten them more than the anger.

Bottomline is Mother Nature is mean and right now, so am I. (except when I'm crying). ;)