Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The PMS Chronicles

Hello. I do realize I've covered this topic before, but I think it bears mentioning again...

So here we are, another month, another uncontrollable surge of hormones. The emotional roller coaster I've been on this week has taken me everywhere from fighting off tears whilst singing along to Amy Grant's "Tennesee Christmas" (not sure what this was about. The farthest south I've ever been in my life is Minot, North Dakota) to having chest pains earlier today from sheer rage at the car dealership. Oh and there was a brief stop in Gull Lake, Saskatchewan where I came very close to committing manslaughter. Maybe that's where I'll start:

Monday I drove 697 kms. In one day. On my way home, I needed to stop for gas and food. I was hungry enough at this point that I was considering eating my lip balm but settled for a disgusting gas station sub instead. I was very tired and when I got to the gas station, which was full serve, I was more than ready and willing to let them pump my gas for me. So I waited a bit and when no one came out, decided, I am not above pumping my own gas and really I just need to get back on the road, so what the hell? Just as I had finished filling my tank, the stunned Oompa-Loompa (for the record she is not actually a "little person", just short ) who works there came out and cheerfully said,"Fill it with regular ma'am?" Um, nope, all done here. Thanks though. So as I may have been quite abrupt with this little ray of retarded sunshine, she looked confused and tried a different approach; "I love your purse!". I did not reply. It was really just for the best. So after trying to find something halfway suitable to eat I made my way to the till. By this time Farmer Ted had come in to get some gas as well and instructed Pollyanna the Wonder Tool to go fill his truck with gas. So, after awhile, Farmer Ted, who I assume was not PMSing began to do that exaggerated sigh thing a person does when they are becoming annoyed and tired of waiting. He did this again and looked at me. At this point I muttered "Good Lord" and looked outside to see where she was. She was, in fact, making her leisurely way back inside. No hurry. I like bunnies. (I'm assuming these were some of her thoughts).

Another woman then came to the front and helped my farmer friend with his purchase. Which left me with fuckface. So she apologizes for the wait, and again, I did not reply. How rude! Really, considering what I wanted to say, it really really was the best option. After a short time she became distracted by her belly button or maybe it was just a shiny object, I'm not sure, but I could take it no longer and reached across the counter and ripped my own receipt off the debit machine and signed it. She did not quite know how to react. This is one of those times where after I realize my reaction may have been slightly extreme. However, patience is not my virtue. Any I do have I use up every single day at work and there is none left for the rest of the idiots I encounter. And really, I don't think it phased her. She looked a little startled but then probably remembered that Skittles also come in tropical flavours and all was well with the world.

As for me, I have chosen to not partake in anymore of Amy Grant's Christmas carols this week. In between bouts of rage I continue to have overwhelming feelings of love for my husband and children and stop myself from sending them a group text stating so...really that would frighten them more than the anger.

Bottomline is Mother Nature is mean and right now, so am I. (except when I'm crying). ;)

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