Monday, September 21, 2009

To My Senior Friends...

I'd like to make a motion to create a bylaw (I have no idea what I'm talking about) to have all of my senior friends stay home during the following hours: 7:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and again from 4:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m.. Why, you ask? Here's why: I have a job. Yep, go to it just about every day. Typically I'm running late (if it's in the a.m.) or I'm going home in the pursuit of sweet freedom and to escape talk of petite fit versus regular fit (a conversation heard in the mailroom at work today) and I'd like to be able to get where I'm going as quickly as possible. This becomes less possible if I'm driving behind one of my senior friends in his ten gallon cowboy hat driving 20km on his way to Co-op for coffee. Sir, please, for the love of God, just hold out and tell the rest of your senior friends that you'll be there by 8:30 at the latest. I'm sure they'll understand. And the bonus is a 95% less chance of my having a coronary episode before I turn 35.

I'd like to amend said bylaw to include the following clause; after it's dark out, if you are one of said 'senior friends': stay home. The other night two of my children and I were driving home from Dairy Queen at 9:15 p.m. and got behind one of our 'friends' who was driving 20 km/hour. It was dark. My ice cream was melting. Not okay. What was even more not okay was the fact that I could barely make out if anyone was actually operating the vehicle or not. It was one of our tinier friends. I get that you shrunk and that back in the day you were probably a solid 5'4" but those days are gone... If you insist on going out that late at night you need to at least be able to make it look like you can see, even though we both know you can't. Eventually we passed this person and noticed they seemed to have a healthy case of the shakes as well...and my Blizzard was a little too melt-y for my liking. I should add I did still eat it.

Okay, this got a little off my dear senior friends: feel free to roam the streets in broad daylight and when I'm at work. Other than that, stay at home and crochet or look for something you may or may not have lost. Like your teeth.

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