I was recently asked by someone, who shall remain nameless, to list both the pros and cons of being angry. Shall we try this together? I'll start.
Pro: good adrenaline rush and sometimes it's fun to see just how many curse words one can string together to fully express their inherent rage.
Con: requires a lot of energy to maintain said level of rage and therefore I have great difficulty remaining awake while watching movies or TV after eight o'clock at night.
Pro: I feel being angry is part of my identity and it's always good to have a strong sense of self, right?
Con: some people find me intimidating (this is kind of pro too, I'll admit), hostile and fail to see the 'softer' side of me.
Pro: Further to anger being part of me, I'm funny when I'm angry. Unless you happen to be the person I'm angry at, then it's back to scary.
Con: Cardiac arrest before 55.
I could go on but as of late my anger has somewhat subsided. I can even chuckle when I think of a few weeks back when I passed the fucknut who royally screwed over my husband and our family (read blogs from December/January to catch up) and I screamed "FUCK YOU" through my windshield at him. He looked confused and maybe slightly alarmed. I felt better. But less and less do I daydream about taking a bat to his truck, so I feel that's improvement.
That being said I did become slightly perturbed yesterday. I'm not at liberty to reveal why but let's just say I was annoyed, irritated, and offended. Couldn't do anything about it. I have to let it go. And as much as it would be really most entertaining for me to write about (in fact I already did but was forbidden to publish it, for the greater good); I simply can't. I'm sorry people, it hurts me as much as it hurts you.
Let's change the subject then...today, outside a local grocery store, a man had a table set up, with a laptop and speakers on it and was singing 'Sometimes When We Touch'. This does NOT make me angry. This fills me with an almost undescribable glee. No microphone, he did not appear to be selling anything and further to the point, he had a wide repetoire because when I got there, he was singing a Hank Williams Sr. tune. Now had I been chummin' with Vodka today I might have been so inclined to sit right down there at the table with him, especially for 'Sometimes When We Touch'. That is a classic and further to the point, it is not an angry song so fitting with my wanting to turn over a new leaf!
I wanna hold you til I die, til we both break down and cry, I wanna hold you til the fear in me subsides....