#$^@*&!!!

The title most accurately reflects my mood at present.  Remember all that bullshit about trying to be less angry? BULLSHIT.  That's right. I said it.  Complete fucking bullshit.  Now some of you are asking, why Angela, why?  It was so nice to hear you sounding upbeat and positive and all turning over a new leaf-y.  Yeah, that was nice, wasn't it?  It's over.  What happened? I'll tell you what happened.  I returned to spin today.

After a six week hiatus bred of work engagements, lunch engagements and sheer laziness I decided I'd better get back to the gym and more importantly, back to spin.  Now if you follow along you know I've been to spin before and never have I really been a fan.  That being said, I had gotten to a point, roughly six weeks ago, where although it was still hard, I didn't hate it.  Today, I HATED it.

About five minutes in my legs were burning and my heart was asking me why.  All I could think about was why was I intentionally causing pain to myself? And who the fuck is the new chatty guy in the corner?  Hey, guy, shut up.  I don't care if you drank a lot of beer or if you crave hamburgers every day. The bigger question is: have you ever been on a date? Didn't think so.

Okay, maybe that's harsh.  Maybe he's a super nice positive guy.  Maybe he loves fitness and was feeling all good and energized by the exercise.  Maybe he should just shut the fuck up.

Now the regulars, most of whom are friends of mine, know my rule about talking during spin.  When I first started I could sometimes take my mind off the burning and lack of oxygen by focusing sheer rage at the people chit chattin' it up about the weekend while I hung on to my bike for dear life and scoped the room for a trash can to vomit in.  Unless you are swearing, I don't want to hear you talking. Then again, about six weeks to two months ago I was conditioned enough I would partake of some of the small talk and not feel so angry about it.  Today it made me angry.

Today I was angry about everything and everyone.  And after the class, when one usually feels a real sense of accomplishment, I felt like I didn't like my friends anymore.  I felt like being by myself and laying on a cold floor with a roll of refrigerated cookie dough.  Just lying there, sweating, cooling off and eating cold dough.  And maybe crying a little.  Instead it was back to work.  I'll admit, I had difficulty speaking to my friends after class. They understood.  They are good friends in that respect.  Well, except for one in particular who actually teaches the class.  I'm not sure what her deal is but if she ever ever eats something she thought she shouldn't have prior to teaching spin again, I will flatten her tires and key her car.  (I'm talking to you Kar Kar).