Thursday, February 25, 2010

Do You Have a Penis?

What kind of question is that? Well, that is the kind of question I am routinely asked once, if not more, a week. Let me assure you I am easily identifiable as a woman. To everyone except my two year old. He, in fact, does have a penis. He seems to be mourning the fact that I do not share such good fortune.

This morning I was getting dressed for work and said two year old and his six year old brother were in bed with my husband watching TV. I was wearing a robe with nothing underneath as I had just gotten out of the shower and was standing in front of the closet getting my clothes for the day. Rhett decided this would be an opportune, not to be missed moment on his neverending quest to find my penis. He got out of bed and came over and proceeded to try and open my robe. I held it closed and he persisted. I told him no, leave it alone and his reply was: "I need to check your body". So I advised him this would not be necessary and continued to hold the robe closed. His response this time was to attempt to reach up underneath. I then gave in and told him I do not have a penis. "You no have penis?" (yes, English is his first language but he's only two). I assured him I did not. This seemed to satisfy him.

I should add it was unnecessary for him to "check my body" as in the not-to-distant past he whipped open the shower curtain while I was in there and upon having a look asked me if I had a penis. He knew the answer but he just can't accept my apparent misfortune.

Often times, after an incident of this nature, he does what I like to refer to as 'Penis Roll-Call'. Let me demonstrate:

Rhett: "Mom, you have a penis?"
Me: "No."
Rhett: "Reese, you have a penis?"
Reese: "Yes."
Rhett: "Steven, you have a penis?"
Steven: "Yes."
Rhett: "Justine, you have a penis?"
Justine: "No."
Rhett: "You no have penis?" (he always feels the need to double check, just in case at some point in her 13 years either she or I has missed it)
Justine:"No, I don't have a penis."

He then checks in with his dad, who, of course, has one. He is quite pleased with the many members in our home who do have penises and seems to feel a distinct sadness for those of us who don't. He is my third boy. They've all had their 'a-ha' moments when it comes to their respective penises but this guy's committment to his is second to none.

As for me, I'll carry on, penis-less and maybe, just maybe, all the better for it... ;)

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