Thursday, May 6, 2010

Animal Domination

I think my pets are fucking with me.  And really why wouldn't they?  I picture them sitting around their shared water dish; to clarify it's shared because I've tried a number of different receptacles for the cats to drink water out of and they will only drink it out of the dog's dish. Anyway, late Friday night after we've all gone to bed I imagine them sitting around the dish and doing stats.  Stats such as how many times during that particular week I was able to experience the joy of cleaning up their poop and/or vomit.  And bursting into fits of puppy and kitty laughter when they think back to the time I vomited while cleaning up the dog's vomit.  The dog's vomit on our less than a week old newly installed carpeting.  I'm sure that's a favourite.

Today one of the cats, and I'm pretty sure I know which one, decided it would be extra fun to shit just outside the laundry room door.  Which was open. Their litter box is in the laundry room. I had just cleaned it this morning so it was clean as I'm aware of cat's issues with cleanliness.  I swear to God she noticed I was doing a fair bit of laundry today and have been all week so thought she'd try and spice it up with me stepping into her poop while doing so.

Think I'm giving my pets too much credit?  I don't.  These animals have watched me clean up after their bodily functions for nearly nine years (cats) and six years (dog).  Why would they not think I am actually a servant of sort?

Same said cat who played the laundry room trick vomited on my bed while I was sleeping in it a few short months ago.  Nice.

So why not get rid of them?  Because, insane human I am, I like them and particularly enjoy my cats holier than thou attitudes and my dog's incessant good nature and love for cheese.

Sigh.  I will carry on bitching about the volumes of dog hair plaguing every inch of this house and article of clothing we own; about the cat puking after what seems like every time she eats; cleaning up poop inside the house and out and then, I will go to Petland and spend $35 for dog treats (that last time appeared to make him sick so he shit on the front carpet again (reference Family Day blog from February) and cat toys that they played with for all of five minutes before ignoring.

I guess this all begs the question of really who is the higher species?


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